Shea Serrano: I sent text messages to Gregg Popovich last night during the game.
Me: hey,
Pop: yes
Me: do you listen to music before the game?
Pop: yes
Me: like what?
Pop: mostly a lot of method man
Me: gtfoh
Pop: really.
Me: YOU like the wu-tang clan
Pop: the what?
Me: um, the group method man got famous in
Pop: oh. my fault. Typo. Not Method Man. I meant Metho Dman he’s this Russian accordionist.
Me: that makes more sense
Pop: if I’m not listening to him, I also like to listen to Tygo
Me: you mean Tyga
Pop: no. TYGO. I hired him from craigslist. He’s from Yugoslavia. he comes to my house and just throws a bunch of pots on the floor as hard as he can. Really progressive stuff
Pop: yes
Me: do you listen to music before the game?
Pop: yes
Me: like what?
Pop: mostly a lot of method man
Me: gtfoh
Pop: really.
Me: YOU like the wu-tang clan
Pop: the what?
Me: um, the group method man got famous in
Pop: oh. my fault. Typo. Not Method Man. I meant Metho Dman he’s this Russian accordionist.
Me: that makes more sense
Pop: if I’m not listening to him, I also like to listen to Tygo
Me: you mean Tyga
Pop: no. TYGO. I hired him from craigslist. He’s from Yugoslavia. he comes to my house and just throws a bunch of pots on the floor as hard as he can. Really progressive stuff
Me: 49-49
Pop: I have eyes
Me: nice little run there at the end of the half
Pop: I’m glad you found it enjoyable
Me: dude, I’m soooo nervous. How are you not nervous? I remember watching when you all played the pistons in 05. They did a side by side shot of you and larry brown towards the end of game seven and larry brown is vibrating from nervousness and youre just there like it’s a game in November. My stomach felt like there’s a small elephant in there and I was just watching from home.
Pop: I removed my stomach when I was thirteen
Me: dude
Pop: true story I got nervous and I didn’t like it. Stomach removal. Look into it.
Me: but then where does your food go?
Pop: food?
Me: goddamnitihateyousometimes
Pop: I have eyes
Me: nice little run there at the end of the half
Pop: I’m glad you found it enjoyable
Me: dude, I’m soooo nervous. How are you not nervous? I remember watching when you all played the pistons in 05. They did a side by side shot of you and larry brown towards the end of game seven and larry brown is vibrating from nervousness and youre just there like it’s a game in November. My stomach felt like there’s a small elephant in there and I was just watching from home.
Pop: I removed my stomach when I was thirteen
Me: dude
Pop: true story I got nervous and I didn’t like it. Stomach removal. Look into it.
Me: but then where does your food go?
Pop: food?
Me: goddamnitihateyousometimes
Me: I think we should do some sort of prayer circle for tiago
[No response.]
[No response.]
Me: this game feels like its getting away from us. If we don’t eat up this five point lead real quick the 4th is gonna be not that great
Pop: oh okay. Cool. Thanks. Because I was just gonna tell the guys that we should not try to catch up but now that you mention it yeah I think it might be better for us if we catch up to them and maybe even pass them
Me: man
Pop: oh okay. Cool. Thanks. Because I was just gonna tell the guys that we should not try to catch up but now that you mention it yeah I think it might be better for us if we catch up to them and maybe even pass them
Me: man
Pop: tell me more about this catching up thing
Me: come on
Pop: am I supposed to send Spoelstra a handwritten note letting him know what we plan to do?
[No response.]
Me: come on
Pop: am I supposed to send Spoelstra a handwritten note letting him know what we plan to do?
[No response.]
Pop: hello??? Please. Tell me more about catching up. I can’t get my head around it.
Me: leave me alone pop
Pop: do you think it’ll be easier if we play make it take it?
Me: …
Pop: what do we do after we catch up??? My mind is exploded. I can’t keep track of all these crazy coaching strategies you have.
Me: you know you guys are down by 10 right now right? Shouldn’t you be tending to that?
Pop: I’m gonna talk to david stern to see if we can put you in charge of coaching all of the nba teams next year CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE WHAT IT’D LOOK LIKE IF EVERYONE KNEW ABOUT THIS “CATCHING UP WHEN YOU’RE LOSING” COACHING PHILOSOPHY OF YOURS?
Me: leave me alone pop
Pop: do you think it’ll be easier if we play make it take it?
Me: …
Pop: what do we do after we catch up??? My mind is exploded. I can’t keep track of all these crazy coaching strategies you have.
Me: you know you guys are down by 10 right now right? Shouldn’t you be tending to that?
Pop: I’m gonna talk to david stern to see if we can put you in charge of coaching all of the nba teams next year CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE WHAT IT’D LOOK LIKE IF EVERYONE KNEW ABOUT THIS “CATCHING UP WHEN YOU’RE LOSING” COACHING PHILOSOPHY OF YOURS?
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